What's the solution?

Dear the me of 2012,

Please stop tearing your hair out for a second and take the time to read this letter.  It might just help you out.  

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.  Frustration and worry, like pain, is a shadowy memory.  And, I can look back in humour at some of the things you are suffering now.  I can laugh when I think about the time Caesar destroyed the kitchen and ate a whole pack of Nutrigrain bars.  What I do remember is desperation and this is what has prompted me to write to you.

Time and time again I read on forums and groups about anxious dogs.  You may not realise it just yet, but this is what you have.  I know you don't want to sit back and let time pass by where you're not trying to 'cure' this but there is something you need to know; you can't.

Let me tell you that in three years time, you will come home from work one night to find a Tupperware container exploded into sharp shards of plastic all over your bed.  You will spend a week of your life picking these shards from your feet and body and searching for them on the bedroom floor.  These are symptoms of anxiety, prompted by a change in environment or routine.

You musn't blame yourself.  You have not made the dog any worse.  Nor have you caused him to relive any kind of mental trauma.  What you need is time.  Time is the most important thing.

Therefore, when you see quick fixes, try to turn a blind eye.  Try to remember how you feel when you are afraid and remember that one tablet, or coat or spray is not going to miraculously cure him of his fears.  The same with you; anxiety plays a big part in your own life so you should know that nothing will instantly take that away.  

More importantly still, is that you don't get angry with him for his fear.  If someone shouted at you every time you were irrationally afraid of something you'd be stuck in your house shaking!  Try to remember his behaviour is not against you or even a reflection on you; it is he who has come to you with these troubles.  

My advice is not to ignore your issues; persist in positive training, reward the good and ignore the bad as much as possible.  Keep things as consistent as possible; he will always know when tea time will be, when bed time will be and what time you will leave and arrive home.  He will always be in the same room/s.  If someone comes, they will always come at the same time.  Attend training sessions regularly and allow him to get used to his setting and the other animals and people there and don't expect miracles straight away.

Most of all; love and enjoy him as much as he does you because you're going to have to get through this together.  And that will be as hard as you make it...

The worst guard dog in the world...

"How do you think Caesar would react if you were attacked?" asked my sister one afternoon as we sat drinking orange and chatting about a plethora of unrelated things.  Allowing one aimless topic to run seamlessly into another.

If I'm honest, it isn't the first time that I've allowed my mind to ponder the subject.  Caesar himself being 22kg and built like a buffalo would be a deterrent I had thought for almost any thug who might come my way.  But was I sure he would protect me?  I'd like to think he would but if I was being truly honest with myself - I think he'd probably just cry.

Equally, with burglars, I was sure that Caesar would frighten them before they realised what a noisy yet harmless lump of dog he is.  He may scare them by being overly boisterously friendly I thought.  Or by just walking into the room while they were there.

It was odd that a few days later, I noticed a post on a Facebook forum from a lady who had come in to find her back gate and door open.  She assumed she must have been burgled but that they had fled when seeing the dogs as nothing had been taken.  I nodded in agreement.  I should hope that this would be the case should we ever find ourselves in this horrible situation.

A wolf in sheeps clothing?  - probably the other way round!

I felt weird driving home at lunch time.  And annoyed with myself for leaving a file that I needed on my coffee table.  Cursing as I pulled up to the house, I strutted up the front drive praying that the file was where I thought it was so that I could get back to work quickly enough to get a bit of lunch.  I flung open the front door and dashed in quickly to find the house in complete silence.  'Good' I thought, assured that I hadn't been annoying the neighbours with nuisance barking.  After pausing for a second to think, I hurried into the front room.  The file wasn't on the coffee table.  Underneath?  I thought desperately and began unpacking boxes and pulling things out from beneath.  I banged and clattered as folders, notebooks and box files fell to the ground.  Finally, I saw the file and yanked it out.  I stopped to look at it.  Silence.

The house felt eerie.  Usually, I'm followed around everywhere by a ginger shadow.  But there I was...alone.  Sitting surrounded by boxes and paper that I'd rifled through.  And where was Caesar?  Who knows!

Was he knocking out the Zzzzz s?

About fifteen minutes after I'd come, I jumped in the car and drove back to work.  As I mindlessly steered down familiar streets, I began to worry.  What if Caesar was trapped somewhere?  What if he was injured or ill?  Not wanting to disturb him, I'd left him alone wherever he was.  I hadn't even peeped around the door to see where he was.  

I'm pleased to say that, at the end of the day, he was there with his wagging tail waiting for me.  But, where he was that lunch time, I can only guess...

Caesar - Balancing extraordinaire!

Caesar and I have been working hard to develop our own repertoire of balance positions.  Enjoy:

The cowboy:

The toilet paper dispenser:

The gingerbread man:

 The Jenga tower:

The big Bonio balance:

1.2.3.

4.

 The place mat:

The 2 cup hold:

The outstanding orange!

There's still time to help those lovely people at Saltburn Animal Rescue Association by giving a small amount of money to the Saving Caesar fund.  Thanks to everyone who has donated so far.  Your money will help this lovely charity rescue and rehome more diamonds like Caesar! 

My red toilet roll holder...

Categorically, I would say that leaving and entering the house are the two hardest parts of dog ownership.  If you listen to top dog psychologists, then you should ignore your dog before leaving the house and after entering the house.  My question to said psychologists is 'how?' when a massive dog flings itself out of the house and onto the drive when you open a door it is near impossible to 'ignore'.  Particularly when it is screeching while doing so.  On the same subject, how do you ignore a dog that has just squeezed out of the front door behind you?

Oddly, Caesar is alright with me leaving for work in the morning.  Recently, he has even begun to sit by the door when I'm about to leave.  It's as if to see me off.  My favourite part is when he leans as far as his body will allow him to catch a final glimpse before the door closes but never comes out of his sit. 

Coming home is a different matter entirely.  I try not to look through the stained glass front door as often I can see the bumbling and bustling of a little red figure behind the door.  His tail seems to make his whole body wag with excitement.  Mentally, I add another two bruises to my already patchy legs.  

I need to sleep now - but I'll keep hold of you so that you don't go without me!'

When I come in from work, I put on my shadow.  It's a large red dog with an unusually spotty chest and it follows me EVERYWHERE.  And when I say everywhere, I'm not exaggerating.  The first thing I do when I come in is hang up my bag and head for the toilet.  I should know better than to leave work without going to the loo because once I broke down on the way home and then accidentally locked my keys in my car.  I was desperate for the toilet and vowed that I would never leave work thinking 'I'll go when I get home' again.  Unfortunately for my bladder, that was a few years ago now and apparently I haven't truly learnt my lesson because I still hop in the car at home time thinking 'I'll go when I get in.'  Of course, there is an advantage to going at work which I often forget and that is that I get to go to the toilet alone.  At home, this is an impossibility.  There have been times in my house where I have been in the toilet and the whole family has joined me - one partner and two dogs.  Although, as a rule there is usually just me and Caesar.  He will insist on standing next to me in the toilet so I use him to my advantage and balance the toilet roll on his head!  At least he has his uses!

My red spotty toilet roll holder!

I heart Flexi

Dear Mr. Flexi lead inventor,
I salute you and your outstanding contribution to dog owners everywhere.  I cannot deny the feelings of jealousy that consume me when I think of how much money you must have made from your, let's face it, relatively simple, yet extraordinarily effective idea.  Why, without your 8m Flexi Maxi, I would be doomed to being dragged around on a mere 2 meter piece of lead; hardly enough to get a good wrench going.  Yes, its all thanks to you that I can fly forward a good few metres every time Caesar reaches the limit of his 8m of freedom.  I'll admit, there is still room for improvement and who can forget when Caesar's second hand Felxi lead shattered into a million pieces in the park after a particularly bad pull.  I don't think Damien (who was walking Caesar at the time) will, nor will the people whom he went careering towards!  And yes, some people will complain about getting 'washing lined' or otherwise entangled in one of these leads, myself included.  However, for dog owners who cannot trust their dog not to pursue anything that moves, there is no better contraption than your 8 metres of extendable wire even if it does get stuck sometimes.  So, thank you Mr Flexi lead inventor, whoever you are, for bringing me peace of mind, security and a bit of an achey shoulder.
Yours sincerely,
Owner of a 8 metre Flexi lead and a very badly behaved dog

Bracing for impact!

Note: I am not advocating nor advertising Flexi leads.  And, those who wish to use, should do so with caution, care and awareness of their limitations and the potential hazards linked with using one.  As the post acknowledges, somewhat ironically, and I hoped lightheartedly, there are drawbacks to using this type of lead.  If you, like me, choose to use a Flexi lead, I would not advocate using a it in a busy place and definitely not by a road. If in doubt, seek advice from a qualified dog trainer first.

Can you Kong?

Yesterday I gave up.  After eighteen months of owning Caesar, and eighteen months of knowing his love for Kong Wobblers, I finally gave in and bought him one.  Prior to this, I believed I had successfully sourced a cheaper alternative and 'hard wearing' egg shaped toy which essentially did the same thing, but alas Caesar chewed the top off it.  "He doesn't use his brain..." said Damien thoughtfully as I coughed up the money for the bright red toy.  He had hit the nail on the wrong end.  Actually, he does use his brain.  In fact, he uses his brain too much sometimes, that's half of the problem.  If he would just fail to use his brain sometimes, then I may not come home to find every door in the house open (aside from the award winning door knob one).  If he didn't use his brain, he'd still be hitting that egg into the back end of next week with his paws, but the truth is, after five minutes of doing that, he thought to himself 'actually, this would be easier if I just chewed the top off and got all of the treats out.

You have no idea how long it took to get
one photo of him sitting still with the Wobbler!

Anyhow, despite realising his love of all things wobbly, what I had failed to realise is exactly how naughty he would be with them!  Poor Gemma got a big snarl and a bark right in her face when she tried to find out what this new exciting toy was!  Then I had to take it off him and put it on the side in the kitchen because he's a naughty boy (and that's the only place he won't be able to get it back)!  Fourteen pounds well spent?  Perhaps not...

A New Feature!

Hello everyone.  Statistical analysis (thanks Google) shows me that most of you are visiting from Facebook and reading often.  Thank you!  And thanks to all those people who have found me by other means too!  If you are a Facebook user, I've now added a like button at the right where you can like the page, which links to a little Facebook page I've set up.  I'll basically update you on blog entries from there and any updates on the book (which I am beavering away at).   Thank you all again for reading.  And big woof from Caesar too.