Another check point on the road of life...

Good mood: awwww

It dawned on me today that it's been a while since I have written.  I could make all sorts of excuses as to why; heavy work load, new ventures, illness and, within the last week, it would all be true.  It's not that Caesar hasn't done anything recently; he has.  On one of his latest ventures, he broke into my sewing room, climbed on the table (while I was sewing) and knocked everything flying.  Later that day, I went out and returned to find that he'd been in there again doing the same thing.  Except this time, he had knocked everything all over the floor.  This included 300 buttons which I then needed to pick up one-by-one.

Mad mood: Arghhhh

The truth is; I've been attempting to reach a mini-target that I had set myself; to reach the end of my book "Saving Caesar."  It's all OK writing a book but reading it is something different.  Some days, I will find that I like one way of saying something and others, I find that I want to say it completely differently.  Some days, I'm in a humorous mood and others, I'm feeling nostalgic and sentimental.  Sometimes, my mood depends on Caesars;  one day I might want to write him as a lost soul in need of guidance and other times as a nightmarish nuisance sent by some unseen power to test everything I thought I knew about my own levels of patience and sanity.  This makes proof reading your own writing equally hard as the shifts in mood and attitude stand out from time to time.

Also, it's fun to write something and record all of your memories and experiences on a page but to read it again and again is not so fun.

Tonight, I read the last chapter - the final chapter of my first draft.  I have made notes for myself to improve the book and there is certainly a lot to do before I attempt to take my writing any further.  But, as I closed the word document for the first time in weeks, something occurred to me.  In a sense, I don't mind if this book never makes it beyond my computer.  I'd be sad of course because it would mean that this hard work and time would never be witnessed by anyone other than me.  However, I would always have a record for myself and for my family of this special dog and how he turned our lives and our house upside down.  I think, at the end of the day, that's probably more important.

Who to moan to?

Every dog has its day.  In fact, if it's anything like Caesar, it has it's day at least once a week.  But when things do go awfully wrong where do you go?

Where do you go when you're feeling down?

Having Caesar's blog has been great for me.  It's a place where I can search for humour in some of the awful things that happen.  It's also a place where I've found other people who have experienced similar situations.  It's a place where I can stick it to those people who make comments like 'those aren't the types of dog you stroke'.  It's a place where I can remember how much I love him sometimes and also remember that, no matter how bad things get, they've probably been worse.

Talking about things can take the weight of your shoulders....

When I have a bad day, I'm the type of person who needs to talk about it.  In fact, I'm the type of person who will talk about it until I'm blue in the face.  I will tell anyone who will listen, and if they'll listen twice, I'll tell them twice.  It was lucky then that, eighteen months ago, I stumbled across a website.  I can't even remember what I had searched for but I knew straight away that I'd stumbled across something that was going to be important to me.

My first post was about my first concern about Caesar.  Did he look like a Staffordshire Bull Terrier cross?  This was something I'd been worrying about for some time but did not want to bring up with the rescue centre.  Replies poured in, welcoming me and thanking me for joining.  Members commented on Caesar's nice colouring and assured me that he looked just like a beautiful Staffy cross.  It wasn't long before I was joining in with other discussions.  Just little comments "Yes! Caesar does that too!", "Where did you get that?" or simply "Gorgeous picture!"  It might be nothing.  Small comments.   Small talk.  However, this became my go-to place whenever something went badly and even when something went really well and I wanted to tell the world.  In fact, this was the place that I learnt how many other people out there have similar problems and worse!  It's the place where I felt the least alone since having Caesar.

Staffy X what?  The first question I asked the internet.

I learnt the importance of talking and sharing and how this could make me see Caesar's actions in a different light.  I also learnt that other people have similar problems and sometimes much worse too!  I found that I enjoyed sharing Caesar's stories and often they were well received.  So I began to write a book, 'Saving Caesar.'  The other night, a post asked 'who do you love on the forum?'  How could I answer the question?  This is how:

Thanks to everyone at Staffies R Us for all of your help, support and encouragement.  I love you all!!!!!!

"MUM!!!! Stop talking about me!"