Inconveniently ill

My eyes are drooping as I type this.  I had hoped that I would come in, order a takeaway, eat said takeaway and go to bed.  Instead, I came in, dithered over take away, couldn't find a phone to call takeaway, changed mind about takeaway, ordered an online takeaway and now I'm in the process of waiting for an hour for said takeaway to arrive.  By which time, I'll either have died of hunger or fallen asleep in my chair.  In the meantime, I decided to write a blog explaining why I'll be falling asleep in my chair and here it is:

Last night was hectic.  As a rule, I don't live a particularly hectic life.  I, like Caesar, like my set routine and anything out of the ordinary stresses me.  I do love a good meal out now and again but the thought of returning home later than usual is highly inconvenient as it means that I have to miss parts of my routine.  Then the question is; which parts?  What do I sacrifice?  Last night was the date of the monthly writing club that I have begun to attend.  It was my second meeting so I still felt the butterflies in my stomach as I considered reading my writing out loud.  The previous time, I had lost my balance and felt faint as I'd tried to read.  Anyhow, I rushed to my parents after work to print the chapter of the book which I was to present.  Then, not having time to go home, I rushed straight to the club.  I didn't get home until after 9.  The door was locked.

Correctly assuming that Damien was at the gym, I hunted for my key and unlocked the door, bracing myself for a cuddle and kiss from Caesar.  It didn't come.  The house was silent and there was no sign of him in the living room.  I searched upstairs and found him snuggled up on my bed - not unusual and with the cold I thought nothing more of it.  Later, he pottered downstairs and tried to climb on my knee, I gave him a quick cuddle but he jumped off a few moments later.  Then, he began hiccup-retching and licking his lips manically.  I've seen this before, it usually means that he's going to be sick.  I patted his back and waited but nothing happened.  This went on for almost an hour.  

Eventually, I resorted to the font of all knowledge - the internet.  By this point it was late and I sat in bed by the glow of my iPad.  I kept coming up with the same answer GDV - Gastric torsion.  I'd never heard of it.  The more I looked, the more I panicked.  Until, eventually, I decided to ring the 24hr helpline offered to me by my pet insurance.  The nurse at the other end of the phone (after slyly confirming that this was not a pre-existing condition with questions like 'have you currently got a vets appointment booked? - What is it regarding?') confirmed my worst fears.  "That sounds like it could be a gastric twist," she said.  By this point I was out of bed and already pulling off my pyjamas and throwing on my clothes.  Caesar, who didn't want to move, lay breathing heavily on the bed.  I could feel my hand shaking as she instructed me not to 'panic' - clearly not someone who has met me before.  If I do one thing well, it's panicking!  I can send myself into a panicky frenzy over just about anything.  In the Summer of 2005, I convinced myself I had Bird Flu just because I panicked so much about getting it.  I can panic about anything.  In fact, I now try to avoid the news as much as possible due to the fact that it has this horrendous effect on me.  

The overly calm nurse instructed me to call my vets as soon as possible and follow the procedure for the out of hours clinic.  "Follow your vet's advice," she told me.  I wasn't planning on ignoring it.

As the line connected to the vet, I began to talk hurriedly.  "He has a swollen stomach, he's shaking, he's licking his lips and doing hiccuppy type gagging noises," I told her.
"He's feeling sick," she confirmed.  This I was pretty sure of.  Before she continued, Caesar contributed to the conversation with a giant belch.  "That's good," she said.  'It might be good for you, you're not sitting next to him' I thought. 

Caesar didn't want to move; just lie on the bed.

The vet quickly explained that a gastric twist means that air is stuck in the dogs abdomen and this can be fatal.  She told me that, had this been the case, I would have seen his condition deteriorating rapidly, usually over 15-20 minutes.  She also assured me that I'd been right to call and explained that she could look Caesar over if I would like but, as he had burped and then pumped another twice since the phone conversation, she was fairly sure he was just feeling sick.  At the worst, she thought he may have a blockage.  "Keep an eye on him tonight," she offered, "then bring him in in the morning."  I kept to my word.  Throughout the night, I watched him carefully and observed his breathing and temperature.

This morning, the alarm called me from my disturbed sleep at 6:45 and Caesar bounded out of bed, tail wagging and went to wait for his breakfast.  I dropped Caesar at my parents' just to ensure that he wasn't ill while I was at work.  He had a whale of a time.  This morning, he bounded around the house excitably, this afternoon he jumped on my dad's friend's knee and knocked his coffee from his hand.  He had the time of his life all day!  I, on the other hand, struggled through twelve hours at work almost having to hold my eyes open with matchsticks!  

"Yes, he's been great all day - you sound a bit tired..."

Has your dog ever taken ill suddenly?  Was it serious or, like Caesar, did it pass by the next day?  

Caesar's gifts to me...

Over the past 18 months Caesar has given me many a gift.  The gift of an excuse to buy a new handbag each time he tears one of mine to pieces, a few little gifts left around the house when we brought him home (of the smelly variety) and, on the odd occasion, the gift of tidying up the kitchen by eating all of its contents.  But these are minor gifts.  What we have earned and learned through owning him has been so much greater.

Some say that you make your own luck.  I suppose in many ways that's true.  I can't deny that I have a bit of an appetite for drama. However, things do have a way of happening to me with the worst possible timing.  Luckily, I've been able to turn things on their head and use them as fuel for my book/blog.  After all, if I didn't have a horrendously mischievous dog,  then I'd have nothing to talk or write about so I see Caesar as a gift; the gift of conversation.  The gift of a good story.

I also see him as a challenge.  I love challenges; even though I love, equally, to complain about them.  I enjoy the pang of anticipation when you think of something new to try or when you see even the smallest bit of progress.  I love knowing that, or at least thinking that, I've made a difference.  

Naughty Spots...

Caesar has hundreds of naughty spots.  They are much more prominent in the summer and turn grey as the winter sets in. Each one is associated with a crime that he has committed.  If you look closely, you can see which one is which...

Here is what they are for:

- The cluster on his left shoulder are for breaking into the kitchen and stealing food (solved that one...eventually)!

-  The cluster on his right shoulder are for opening doors and making nests of my clothes which he lies in like some sort of mental magpie! 

-  The individual spot on the left of his chest is from the time he ran in and licked my fish (and chips) as I leaned forward to sit down - no tea for me then!

-  The one below that is for the time he pulled Damien off a bench, knocked his dinner out of his lap and then ran around eating it all!

-  The cluster in the centre of his chest are for chasing other dogs around and screaming at them.

- The group of spots on the left his belly are for attempting to eat a packet of pencils which I bought my class as prizes!

- The group of spots on the right of his belly are for charging into people's legs at high speed!

And the one on the end of his nose is his 'kissing spot'; that's for stealing people's hearts and refusing to give them back!

I heart Flexi

Dear Mr. Flexi lead inventor,
I salute you and your outstanding contribution to dog owners everywhere.  I cannot deny the feelings of jealousy that consume me when I think of how much money you must have made from your, let's face it, relatively simple, yet extraordinarily effective idea.  Why, without your 8m Flexi Maxi, I would be doomed to being dragged around on a mere 2 meter piece of lead; hardly enough to get a good wrench going.  Yes, its all thanks to you that I can fly forward a good few metres every time Caesar reaches the limit of his 8m of freedom.  I'll admit, there is still room for improvement and who can forget when Caesar's second hand Felxi lead shattered into a million pieces in the park after a particularly bad pull.  I don't think Damien (who was walking Caesar at the time) will, nor will the people whom he went careering towards!  And yes, some people will complain about getting 'washing lined' or otherwise entangled in one of these leads, myself included.  However, for dog owners who cannot trust their dog not to pursue anything that moves, there is no better contraption than your 8 metres of extendable wire even if it does get stuck sometimes.  So, thank you Mr Flexi lead inventor, whoever you are, for bringing me peace of mind, security and a bit of an achey shoulder.
Yours sincerely,
Owner of a 8 metre Flexi lead and a very badly behaved dog

Bracing for impact!

Note: I am not advocating nor advertising Flexi leads.  And, those who wish to use, should do so with caution, care and awareness of their limitations and the potential hazards linked with using one.  As the post acknowledges, somewhat ironically, and I hoped lightheartedly, there are drawbacks to using this type of lead.  If you, like me, choose to use a Flexi lead, I would not advocate using a it in a busy place and definitely not by a road. If in doubt, seek advice from a qualified dog trainer first.

One day, I will say 'Go find Bouncy' and he will respond...

When I was young, my Grandma had a dog called Sandy.  I remember two things about her; she had a very human scream and a pink ball with a smiley face.  Sandy loved her pink ball so much that she became rather irritating with it.  In fact, she once irritated my Grandma so much with it, that she took it off her and put it on top of the fridge.  Sandy spent the rest of the day sitting by the fridge and staring hopefully until my Grandma had no choice but to give it back to her.

Caesar is the polar opposite.  Balls hold no excitement for him at all, which is odd considering how much he loves to chase other things.  Tug toys lose their appeal after seconds and you are left growling like a maniac and flapping your arms around with a redundant piece of rope.  Despite his lack of interest in toys, Caesar's toy box is full of tried and failed attempts to get him to play.  The only toys that he appears to have any interest in (aside from ones that contain food) is ones that are dangerous because he's broken them!  My Grandma, unaware of Caesar's strength of jaw, brought a pack of bright plastic balls for him to try.  Within seconds, he had crunched them into sharp shards of plastic, which we ran around trying to grab.  Annoyingly, these were the only things he wanted to play with!

And....?

A key problem is that many toys fall to pieces as soon as they see Caesar.  He has a way of breaking things and this isn't always accidental either!  I spend my time looking for hard wearing toys in pet shops.  Unfortunately, often, 'hard wearing' still isn't good enough for Caesar and he can waste through pounds worth of toys in seconds.  Perhaps the fastest record was the 'tiger tough tennis ball' priced at £3.  I gave him it, he took it from me carefully and two seconds later it was in pieces.  The other toy that he loved (mainly because it dispensed treats) was his 'Eggstraordinary Baffler' by Ruff and Tuff, unfortunately though it was neither rough nor tough enough for my mischievous mongrel who decided that, rather than knock it around in the hope that it may dispense treats, he would just bite through the plastic instead and steal all of the treats. I suppose it makes sense really...

 Caesar loved his 'Ruff and Tuff' "Eggstraordinary Baffler"

...but had destroyed it within hours of me giving it to him.

When I spotted 'Bouncy' who is actually a '3-Peaks Bounce Ball' in Pets at Home, I thought 'it's worth a try'.  The ball looked strong and durable and I'd love that to be the reason that I bought it but unfortunately it isn't.  The reason that I bought it is purely because it's EXTREMELY bouncy.  I bounced it in the floor of the shop and immediately fell in love.  It looked so much fun!  Unfortunately, Caesar is taking a little convincing, but he will chase it for treats.....sometimes.

Say hello to 'Bouncy'.  I will train Caesar

to like this ball.  Purely so that I can
use the command 'go find Bouncy!'

Is your dog a Sandy or a Caesar?  Do they love toys or are they completely indifferent about them?  Do they have a favourite toy?  Let me know with a comment.

Little bit of love:

A big thank you from Caesar and I to all our regular readers and all those who've taken the time to comment and contact me.  I've had a great response from you all and I have loved hearing about your own experiences.  If you would like to keep reading, I've added a subscription bar where you can subscribe using your email address, Google+ or a range of other fangled following things (you can always unsubscribe later if Caesar ever gets boring - sorry, not going to happen).  Big wags to all of you!